I simply can't tell you about the woman who eats beetroot and the reaction she has to it. It's X-certificate, and you'd think I was making it up. But the entire store looked at her and winced.

Ol' Man River's back next Wednesday to fit the tap. Hope he's got some new songs.

We're far too Nice, I've decided. It's about time I let my Nasty Button have some fun. ;)