'Tis the Season to be Late?

[gilpin25]

We got the first of the Round Robin letters in a Christmas card this morning, and I'm waiting for my mild-mannered husband to turn into someone highly dangerous, who must be approached with caution. And only if you're bringing in the dinner.

These are the letters you get from people you don't see from one year to another, but who send you a printed sheet of their accomplishments activities during the year. Usually with an incredibly flattering and air-brushed photo that the Royal Family would envy. Snarkiness aside, most of these are interesting, but there's a few that set your teeth on edge. These particular people are friends of my parents, I haven't seen them since our Wedding so we're talking years here, but they still think we'd like to know that daughter Tabitha will be reading Politics at Cambridge, son Gerald is spending three years in Hong Kong earning fabulous sums of money thanks to a promotion, and now that all the kids have flown the wealthy nest, the parents have invested in a sixty foot ocean liner to give them an interesting new hobby.

Okay, I'm exaggerating, but only just in some cases. I'm bracing myself for the one from our friends in New Zealand, who emigrated a couple of years ago, and seem to own more of the country now than Peter Jackson. It takes quite a lot to get my husband annoyed (just me, normally), but these letters drive him nuts. Last year he wanted me to compose one to send back which claimed that he'd climbed Everest on an afternoon off, and I'd won six Booker prizes in a row... ;

Which sort of brings me onto my Advent Fic. I'm just about on schedule for finishing 24.12.06, have written about 3500 words, have no idea what the genre is as I've included at least four and, in a shocking new move for me, I've given Harry a line to say. But I'm thinking of chopping it. And I've looked at some of those excellent angsty and short ones already posted and think perhaps I should be chopping a lot more. Anyone else writing long fics or is it the season to be brief so you can wisely wrap presents?

Comments

[jdbracknell.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, I love Round Robin letters. If you haven't already read them, there's a journalist who compiles books of the things every year, and they're hilarious. Last year's was called The Hamster Who Loved Puccini (or something similar), and I cried with laughter reading it, because every year I always look forward to getting one from the family of a boy I went to school with 20 years ago. They go on and on and on about every single thing that has happened to them in the previous 12 months - and there's about nine of them, so it's a major work - in excrutiating detail (and they do charity work, which they always like to slip in somewhere: 'March was spent in Malawi providing free clean drinking water for the poor. Lovely country, friendly folk, missed EastEnders. Got dystentry - three months in hospital, but a very worthy cause').

On the fic front, I appear to be writing two. Couldn't decide whether to go angsty or fluffy, and ergo have done the sensible thing and gone for both.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

I wish I'd put that book on my pressie list, though we could frame some of the ones we've had. Don't think I can top your Samaritan Family, though. There was the classic where our New Zealand pals politely asked if we'd had the planned water feature put in our garden yet (Husband spent a weekend digging a hole for a barrel, which then leaked), and followed it up with: "The river running through our new property is a great tourist attraction..."

My best mate was able to do a fantastic one a couple of years back: "A Quiet Year for me - had affair, got pregnant, left husband, new 'boyfriend' twenty-seven years older, had baby girl, all a bit shocked, everyone happy.'

Two fics, eh? I look forward to both angst and fluff with the tinsel. I think people are going to be very glad I'm only attempting one... ;)

[jdbracknell.livejournal.com]

LOL.

There was the classic where our New Zealand pals politely asked if we'd had the planned water feature put in our garden yet (Husband spent a weekend digging a hole for a barrel, which then leaked), and followed it up with: "The river running through our new property is a great tourist attraction..."

If you've still got that one, you should really send it to the guy who compiles books of them - I think he's a journalist for The Telegraph (obviously me remembering his name would help narrow it down....) - he has a whole section on one upman-ship, whether intentional or otherwise. Although my favourite section every year (morbid as it is) is the one about how people deal with death: "January, Derek died. Very sad news. February, bought new shoes. Pinched a bit, sadly." or "So sorry to hear about your husband's passing, but He moves in myseterious ways, and I trust you've found comfort in friends and family. How are those new roses working out for you?"

My best mate was thinking of sending one to his family this year: "Busy times. Found out via administrative cock up that I'm adopted, hate you all."

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I haven't got the letter any more; if only I'd known about this book, I could have stopped the Husband shredding it into a thousand pieces or whatever happened to it. But there's always this year to hope for...

The death ones are a bit hysterical, aren't they? I'm trying to remember one I saw once, but it wasn't in the best possible taste so it's probably as well I don't. Something about someone's ashes being scattered, and the next line will probably come to me at three in the morning, in which case I'll give you a call. ;)

My best mate was thinking of sending one to his family this year: "Busy times. Found out via administrative cock up that I'm adopted, hate you all."

Now that's what I call a classic Round Robin. Top that!