Drabblefic #1: Remus and Greyback, "Lessons"

[gilpin25]

For duck_or_rabbit, who requested Remus, Greyback and the prompt malnourish. I should say here and now that I have abandoned any hope of achieving only 100 words in any of these, unless it's in the intro or title. This one's 395 and still feels short...



Lessons

“How are you, Lupin? Such a shame you missed out last night.”

The voice, coming from the doorway, is solicitous. The dark, misshapen figure, blocking out the early morning sunrise, is not.

“Better now.” Remus lays his quill down and smoothes the ragged piece of parchment out before looking up.

Greyback takes a couple of steps forward, filling the little hut, and smiles. The top lip curling upwards to reveal the yellow incisors. “Lot of sickness about, it seems. Poor food, even bad food I’ve been told, laying people low, with no trace of what it was— ”

“It was odd,” Remus agrees. “But I’m always careful what I eat.”

Greyback frowns. “Starvation leads to bad transformations and wolves too weak and feeble to hunt like last night. What use are they then?”

“There are worse kinds of starvation.” Remus watches the pink and gold light of dawn gently touching the edge of the uneven trellis table he uses as a desk.

“You’re right. Up to the rest of us to provide at these times. Can’t have such as you suffering. Not when I need your help.”

“My help?”

“Mmn.” Greyback takes another step forward and idly picks up the piece of parchment in his darkly stained hands. “Never been much for the letters or reading myself, and when I ask around all the youngsters tell me Lupin’s the one to go to. He'll get me sorted out in no time with a lesson or two!”

“Learning to read and write,” Remus hesitates. “Opens many doors for such as us.”

“Not really proof of that though, are you? Being here.” Greyback gives a short laugh and puts the parchment down. “Doesn’t say much for that quick brown fox you’re on about, either. Still, no use harping on. I need to send a report and my usual letter writer – he got sick last night as well. Can’t understand it, but good job he got the word out to us in the nick of time.”

Remus picks up the quill carefully again. A tiny drop of ink blots the parchment, spreading outwards, as his hand shakes slightly. “What do you want to say?”

“Ah, you see, it’s always the spelling I struggle with. You’ll have to help me out here a bit, Lupin. Brains versus brawn.” The top lip curls back again over the wet teeth. “Now tell me how you'd spell … Montgomery?”

Comments

[mrstater.livejournal.com]

Ooh, Karen...I'd love to read more of Remus underground written by you because this dymanic with Greyback is just so fascinatingly horrifying. Just like I imagine him, sounding solicitous, and yet really being a sicko. Really shows why he's got all these poor, desperate werewolves wrapped around his claws. Poor Remus, having to live here...His calm is just right, but that shaking of the hand really shows what kind of state he's in.

Excellent drabble!

[hrymfaxe.livejournal.com]

Something tells me that Greyback has no illusions as to why Remus joined the pack, but he is feeling secure in his position, and perhaps adheres to the saying: keep you friends close and your enemies closer. He is one scary man and he knows exactly what he is doing. Poor Remus trying to make a difference in that environment, against a leader/tyrant such as Greyback.

I concur with mrstater that I would love to see you write more in this period! Wonderful drabble!

[tegdoh.livejournal.com]

*shudder* I can picture Greyback telling Remus about the Montgomery boy in just such a manner, the bastard. And of course, now I want to read the backstory about Remus poisoning everyone in the camp to try and stop the attack! ;-)

[applepaper.livejournal.com]

Ahh.
I am so happy that I met you for more ways then one. I truly enjoy reading your fics! These kinds of challenges always excite me. I can't wait to read more as I am usually left with this feeling after reading something you wrote. (omg *blushes* I almost typed wore by accident... thankfully I self edit LOL) I hope you have a great weekend!

[merryb87.livejournal.com]

Guh, wonderful job with the fic! I really liked it, and it was nice to see some interaction between Greyback and Lupin. How he would ask Remus to write his letters for him, which must have made it hard for him.

Well done.

[jdbracknell.livejournal.com]

Ooh, nice. And by that I mean chilling.

I really thought JKR missed a trick with Greyback - fanfic Greybacks are always so much more frightening than hers, and I liked this take, Greyback being almost Voldemort-like, knowing everything that goes on and playing cat and mouse with people for his own enjoyment.

[duck-or-rabbit.livejournal.com]

I read this earlier today, allowing it to cook, and I still haven't arrived at the reaction that captures my reaction. At this point, the best I can give you is a resounding echo of all the comments above. Is it enough if I say it matched exactly what I was gunning for when I threw Greyback in your writerly lap? Jo's evil monsters were conceptually chilling but written merely lukewarm wicked, cool compared to the nano amount of unscrupulous Greyback you just gave. And Remus here so clearly shows that his virtue is his willingness to imitate the villain, that he's strong enough to bear that.

From the perspective of craft, I love that you haunted me with dialogue, not description. Being out of Remus' head and witnessing his interaction with Greyback was where I hoped this would go.

THANK YOU! :D *hugs*

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

I was almost afraid to click on this, because I knew your Greyback would be just this vivid and chilling, heh. But despite the shudders, I'm really glad I did. You've pulled into this brief vignette so many aspects of Remus's HBP mission -- like his trying to find ways to stop the horrors from happening, but not being completely able to, because Greyback is such a horror himself. Or the way he is having a hard time making an argument about this life not being the only choice for a werewolf, since to all appearances even he, with all his advantages, has come down to it himself (I can't help but wonder if Dumbledore (or JKR?) failed to think that point all the way through).

I love the detail of the ink blot and the shaking hand despite the outward calm -- although I don't suppose it escaped Greyback's notice.

I saw above that you might expand this one sometime, and I really hope you do, even though it's going to scare me to read it. ;)

[drumher.livejournal.com]

Absolutely frightening! The relationship between the two is much like the one between Batman and the Joker in the new movie where Batman/Remus (and please don't consider this as an invitation to start a new ship!) is a good man who is limited by his goodness to go where he needs to go to be completely successful in his mission. He can't or won't cross that line. Excellent work as usual.

[katyhasclogs.livejournal.com]

Oh Greyback's so creepy. *whimpers*

You really have to write some more about this time - this snippet is so tantalising! I love the complexity of the situation, with them both trying to out-manouvere each other and saying one thing and meaning something else entirely.

Mainly though, I have to complement you on Greyback - he really makes my skin crawl.

[godricgal.livejournal.com]

Greyback doesn't have to say much to be chilling, does he? And you've used that here to great effect, particularly in the first line, when we know precisely what Greyback is referring to. I think with few words, you've managed to convey just why so many of the werewolves have turned to Greyback; he's outwardly quite charming, calmly putting aside any argument for the other way of life, yet there seems to be an element of malice in his tone. That last line is very effective, but it certainly let me with a chill running down my spine! Great job with this!