Drabblefic #2: Dumbledore, "Mars, Bringer of War"

[gilpin25]

For tegdoh, who wanted Dumbledore and moon, and has ended up with Firenze too, which I hope she doesn't mind. "Coughs* These are getting longer, but they will peak soon and then go downwards again. ;) This one arrives at a fairly brief 597 words.



Mars, Bringer of War

Firenze rested one hind leg against the other patiently. Even though Professor Dumbledore was the most open-minded human he had ever met, he was still subject to the limitations of his kind.

Dumbledore stared at the stars high on the dark ceiling of his office, apparently lost in thought. To his side stood a round table filled with candles, some lit and burning strongly, some barely smouldering, and some only twisted blobs of wax from which the occasional faint wisp of smoke appeared.

“Mars shines brighter than I have ever seen it in my lifetime,” Firenze said impassively, at last. “Bringing with it the pledge of war. I could burn the mallowsweet and sage again, should you wish to confirm this?”

“No.” Dumbledore stared for a moment longer, before turning away with a small, weary smile. “That won’t be necessary, thank you, Firenze. Even old men know when time is running out on them.”

Firenze hesitated. “If I can assist in any way, Professor—”

“I know.” Dumbledore was looking now at the candles. Three stood at the very top of the table, in a triangle, and a half circle of others stood closely around them, as if for protection. Except several of those candles were no longer lit and one had gone out completely, leaving only the holder and the heavy, sweet smell of melted wax in the air.

“Soon it’s going to be up to him alone,” Dumbledore said softly, as if to himself. “Still more a child than a man, even though he’s seen and done things no child should. It’ll be up to them all when I have gone. If only I had longer to prepare him.” He turned suddenly to look at Firenze, anguish visible in every line on his face. “You try to think of everything, imagine every possibility and eventuality. But even the stars don’t know all the answers…”

His voice trailed away tiredly and Firenze wondered what to say. “And yet,” he offered slowly, swishing his tail in thought. “You also looked long at the moon.”

“So I did.” Dumbledore looked at one candle, burning a little way apart from the others. Firenze thought there was something about the flicker of the flame that suggested uncertainty and lack of purpose.

“In times of war, you ask a great deal of people. Sometimes even more than you realise.” Dumbledore took off his spectacles and rubbed them against his sleeve. Firenze caught a glimpse of the blackened and twisted hand as the sleeve moved and Dumbledore followed his eyes. “Yes,” he said nodding. “Always the one thing you don’t foresee, that you don’t plan for.” He gestured with the spectacles towards the lone candle before replacing them slowly on his nose. “I’ve asked a good and brave man to undertake something he will hate. Something very necessary, which only he can do, but something which means searching the very depths of his soul. And I consoled myself with the thought that he wouldn’t be alone. That he would have the love and support there for him that he needed.”

A pause. “Then?” Firenze asked.

Dumbledore sighed. He reached out and picked up a smaller candle from the half circle, one that burnt fiercely and eagerly, but with an oddly colourless flame. He placed it carefully next to the other one, so that the two were almost touching. The flame of the taller candle wobbled and flared for a second, as though touched by a tiny breeze, before resuming as before.

Firenze thought both were a fraction brighter now, but Dumbledore was regarding them sadly.

“I never foresaw that he would think he was no longer worthy of that love,” he said.

Comments

[katyscarlett76.livejournal.com]

Oh Dumbledore... *gives Dumbles a squishy hug*

That was lovely but very bittersweet. It is nice to see Dumbledore acknowledging what he put Remus through. If only he had chance to do it (you know I nearly said "in real life" there, LOL! Note to self: Harry Potter = not real!)

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Thank you!:D

I like to think that in the lonely hours of evening, Dumbledore must have been filled with as many doubts and worries as everyone else. And he surely must have had some idea of how such a mission would take a toll on Remus, so I thought I'd imagine that he called on Firenze one night as someone he could talk to with no pressure for a man-to-centaur chat... ;)

You mean fanfic isn't real life? NO! Who says?!

[mrstater.livejournal.com]

Now this is the Dumbledore I used to know and love before The Book That Shall Not Be Named turned him into the artist known as Manipulative Old Bastard. His sadness and loneliness are really compelling, and I also think you've captured a real sense of inevitability and fate with the stargazing and Firenze, who I can't believe you haven't written before now! (He's very sexy, with his back legs crossed. Write him again sometime? ;))

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

I've always had a secret hankering (hoofering?) to write Firenze, but I could never think of a flimsy enough pretext for him to turn up in a fic before. I'm glad you think he's sexy; horses do rest one hind leg against the other when they're relaxed/dosing, so I thought I'd put it in for him. I'm aware that it's only a short and very dangerous trot from this to writing centaur romance, so I'm stopping now!

As for Dumbledore, I think we were meant to know how much he loved Harry and Co. in DH, but also that he'd lived a life of secrets and manipulation and it had taken its toll. (Trouble was, I think the latter came across much clearer than the former.) Also that in order to win you have to make the tough decisions on your own. But I like to think that he must have had doubts, and been very lonely and afraid at times that he was doing the right thing, so perhaps one night he did call on Firenze for a quick bit of star-gazing and man-to-centaur chat?

Thanks very much. And I will try and find a flimsy pretext for him again. ;)

[jdbracknell.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's just brilliant and perfect ♥.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Thanks!:D I've always had a hankering (hoofering?) to write Firenze, and he and Dumbledore seemed a fun combination. Especially as I could get the latter to express all that remorse about badly timed werewolf missions that he clearly felt deep inside, lol.

Am struggling now to resist the temptation of centaur romance...

[hrymfaxe.livejournal.com]

Oooohhh, I love how you bring some meaning into the centaur stargazing (even if it still remains quite mysterious, which, frankly, makes it even better!). I also really like how you have Firenze calmly, if sadly, accepting what the stars predict. It shows how deeply rooted the centaurs' trust in the stars is.

Your portrayal of Dumbledore is great! He is not frightened either, only saddened that he hasn't done all he wanted to yet, and also that one he thought was taken care of has refused that care.. Ah, the woes of a man who likes to be on top of things.

Wonderful drabble again! :D

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I missed replying to this. I'd like to blame LJ, but I think it must be my either dodgy eyesight or faulty memory, neither of which is a great excuse!

Especially as I want to thank you for such a lovely comment. :) I do enjoy writing Dumbledore, and was quite sad that one of the things I lost a bit of in DH was how tough it was to be the man making the life and death decisions about people he loved in order to win a war. He really had no one to confide his worries and fears in, which is where the idea of Firenze came along as I've always had a hankering (hoofering?;)) to write him, and he was a character with no agenda who Dumbledore could unload a little on in the dead of night when all the doubts over what he was doing were there.

Firenze was a lot of fun. Might go back to him one day... ;)

[godricgal.livejournal.com]

As Tater said, this is Dumbledore as we loved him prior to DH, and as we would have loved him to be for Remus. You write Dumbledore so well, whether he's contemplating Snape's surprise or the more serious issue of what he asks of those who follow him. You did a great job with Firenze, too -- though from Tater's comment, I'm now wondering if more than one us is contemplating James McAvoy as the mental image. ;)

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Thank you.:D I do like writing Dumbledore and I am a little saddened by the fact that, for his part in DH, I got how hard it was to be the man making the life and death decisions in order to win a war, but slightly lost the sense of how much he loved those involved while doing so which I'd always had previously. So it was nice to remember what McGonagall said about him in the hospital wing, as I'm sure he would have regretted Remus leaving Tonks and not intended it at all.

The interesting bit about Dumbledore is that he has no one to confide in or trust, which was where Firenze came in handy. I've always had a hankering to write him, though I'm saying nothing about James McAvoy images... ;) There's only one way with centaur romance and I think that's not to do it!

Thank you again for a lovely comment.

[tegdoh.livejournal.com]

This was lovely, thank you. Dumbledore's regret is so palpable here, and his concern for Remus so sincere... I think I have sympathy for him for the first time since That Book.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Thank you for a great prompt. I hope you didn't mind me bringing Firenze in too, but he and Dumbledore seemed an interesting combination. And I needed someone impassive like that to enable Dumbledore to show the regret and doubts in private I think we were meant to think he felt inside in DH. (It just got a bit lost, amongst the arch manipulating;)) Having to make decisions with people's lives at stakes, and keep such secrets, must take a toll...

Glad you enjoyed it!:D

[shimotsuki.livejournal.com]

Frivolous comments first: I saw the title of this last night as I was logging off, and Holst's "Mars" has been thumping in 5/4 time in my brain ever since, thank you very much. ;) Also, it occurs to me that, as a horse person, you actually know how to write plausible centaur gestures!

But, then, wow. You've really created a tangible atmosphere of mystery and portending doom; I love the way it's clear that Firenze and Dumbledore know more about what it all means than we do, heh. Also the way you've given some of those candles just enough distinguishing characteristics to identify them... (I'm guessing the missing candle is Sirius?) And of course Dumbledore's concern for Remus is sad but lovely.

I may beg to differ here from the majority opinion, actually -- the sense I got in DH, from the King's Cross chapter and the portrait at the end, is that Dumbledore may be rather more ruthless than we all thought, but he doesn't spare himself from that any more than he spares anyone else, and he does genuinely love Harry (thus, presumably, others too). So I think DH-compatible Dumbledore could certainly have been having these kinds of regrets about Remus. *sigh*

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Hope "Mars" is finally out of your head by now, lol. It's such a 'jolly' one to get stuck there, though I must admit it was playing relentlessly through mine as soon as I thought of the title. And hope you had a good journey home as well.:D

Many thanks for such lovely comments. I had no qualms at all with seeing the machinations and toughness of Dumbledore in DH - it's not easy being the one making the life and death decisions for others, and it's lonely at the top, too - but I did lose a little of the previously obvious care/love he had for Harry etc. while doing so. Perhaps JKR didn't think she had to reiterate it, but it was nice to imagine something like this, which is hopefully in line with McGonagall's line in the hospital scene and the implied regret in the scene where Tonks won't meet his eyes.

What did come over in DH was that Dumbledore had no one to confide in, or trust, which was where Firenze, with no agenda at all, was ideal. And because, yes, I did think he'd be fun to write and so it proved.

I'm guessing the missing candle is Sirius?)

Yes. I was going for the poetic bit, saying the holder was empty but you were still aware of the smell of wax/his prescence lingering over everyone? Perhaps I should just lie down more... ;)

Thank you again!

[philotic-net.livejournal.com]

That was really beautiful. Firenze and Dumbledore are both characters I love and I am glad you explored them! I always thought that Dumbles must not have intended Remus to leave Tonks. He is too good of a guy, to intune to the workings of things. This was a really great and touching story.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I do enjoy writing Dumbledore, and was quite sad that one of the things I lost a bit of in DH was how tough it was to be the man making the life and death decisions about people he loved in order to win a war. He really had no one to confide his worries and fears in, which is where the idea of Firenze came along as I've always had a hankering to write him. And, yes, I think Dumbledore would have been upset by Remus leaving Tonks, hence McGonagall's remark in the hospital wing scene. So it was nice to imagine this taking place...

Thanks again for a lovely comment.:D

[katyhasclogs.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh, oh. This is so touching. Poor Dumbledore, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. I'm so used to thinking of him as a manipulative bastard now, that it's so touching to see him really affected by what he has to do.

I'm not really managing to articulate how this makes me feel and how much I love it. Just know that I think it's brilliant.

[gilpin25.livejournal.com]

Amongst my (quite long;)) list of complaints about who and what got shafted in DH, I lost some of the sense of how much Dumbledore cared about people, particularly Harry, when he was doing his arch manipulating. And I do regret that because it must be very lonely at the top, making the tough decisions with people's lives and unable to trust anyone. Which is where Firenze was ideal, having no agenda, or any particular sympathy or understanding, but is therefore someone Dumbledore could unload a fraction on as there must be so many doubts and regrets.

Thanks for such a lovely comment. This one's been my favourite to write so far so it's great when someone likes it too.:D