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For
tegdoh, who wanted Dumbledore and moon, and has ended up with Firenze too, which I hope she doesn't mind. "Coughs* These are getting longer, but they will peak soon and then go downwards again. ;) This one arrives at a fairly brief 597 words.
Mars, Bringer of War
Firenze rested one hind leg against the other patiently. Even though Professor Dumbledore was the most open-minded human he had ever met, he was still subject to the limitations of his kind.
Dumbledore stared at the stars high on the dark ceiling of his office, apparently lost in thought. To his side stood a round table filled with candles, some lit and burning strongly, some barely smouldering, and some only twisted blobs of wax from which the occasional faint wisp of smoke appeared.
“Mars shines brighter than I have ever seen it in my lifetime,” Firenze said impassively, at last. “Bringing with it the pledge of war. I could burn the mallowsweet and sage again, should you wish to confirm this?”
“No.” Dumbledore stared for a moment longer, before turning away with a small, weary smile. “That won’t be necessary, thank you, Firenze. Even old men know when time is running out on them.”
Firenze hesitated. “If I can assist in any way, Professor—”
“I know.” Dumbledore was looking now at the candles. Three stood at the very top of the table, in a triangle, and a half circle of others stood closely around them, as if for protection. Except several of those candles were no longer lit and one had gone out completely, leaving only the holder and the heavy, sweet smell of melted wax in the air.
“Soon it’s going to be up to him alone,” Dumbledore said softly, as if to himself. “Still more a child than a man, even though he’s seen and done things no child should. It’ll be up to them all when I have gone. If only I had longer to prepare him.” He turned suddenly to look at Firenze, anguish visible in every line on his face. “You try to think of everything, imagine every possibility and eventuality. But even the stars don’t know all the answers…”
His voice trailed away tiredly and Firenze wondered what to say. “And yet,” he offered slowly, swishing his tail in thought. “You also looked long at the moon.”
“So I did.” Dumbledore looked at one candle, burning a little way apart from the others. Firenze thought there was something about the flicker of the flame that suggested uncertainty and lack of purpose.
“In times of war, you ask a great deal of people. Sometimes even more than you realise.” Dumbledore took off his spectacles and rubbed them against his sleeve. Firenze caught a glimpse of the blackened and twisted hand as the sleeve moved and Dumbledore followed his eyes. “Yes,” he said nodding. “Always the one thing you don’t foresee, that you don’t plan for.” He gestured with the spectacles towards the lone candle before replacing them slowly on his nose. “I’ve asked a good and brave man to undertake something he will hate. Something very necessary, which only he can do, but something which means searching the very depths of his soul. And I consoled myself with the thought that he wouldn’t be alone. That he would have the love and support there for him that he needed.”
A pause. “Then?” Firenze asked.
Dumbledore sighed. He reached out and picked up a smaller candle from the half circle, one that burnt fiercely and eagerly, but with an oddly colourless flame. He placed it carefully next to the other one, so that the two were almost touching. The flame of the taller candle wobbled and flared for a second, as though touched by a tiny breeze, before resuming as before.
Firenze thought both were a fraction brighter now, but Dumbledore was regarding them sadly.
“I never foresaw that he would think he was no longer worthy of that love,” he said.
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Firenze rested one hind leg against the other patiently. Even though Professor Dumbledore was the most open-minded human he had ever met, he was still subject to the limitations of his kind.
Dumbledore stared at the stars high on the dark ceiling of his office, apparently lost in thought. To his side stood a round table filled with candles, some lit and burning strongly, some barely smouldering, and some only twisted blobs of wax from which the occasional faint wisp of smoke appeared.
“Mars shines brighter than I have ever seen it in my lifetime,” Firenze said impassively, at last. “Bringing with it the pledge of war. I could burn the mallowsweet and sage again, should you wish to confirm this?”
“No.” Dumbledore stared for a moment longer, before turning away with a small, weary smile. “That won’t be necessary, thank you, Firenze. Even old men know when time is running out on them.”
Firenze hesitated. “If I can assist in any way, Professor—”
“I know.” Dumbledore was looking now at the candles. Three stood at the very top of the table, in a triangle, and a half circle of others stood closely around them, as if for protection. Except several of those candles were no longer lit and one had gone out completely, leaving only the holder and the heavy, sweet smell of melted wax in the air.
“Soon it’s going to be up to him alone,” Dumbledore said softly, as if to himself. “Still more a child than a man, even though he’s seen and done things no child should. It’ll be up to them all when I have gone. If only I had longer to prepare him.” He turned suddenly to look at Firenze, anguish visible in every line on his face. “You try to think of everything, imagine every possibility and eventuality. But even the stars don’t know all the answers…”
His voice trailed away tiredly and Firenze wondered what to say. “And yet,” he offered slowly, swishing his tail in thought. “You also looked long at the moon.”
“So I did.” Dumbledore looked at one candle, burning a little way apart from the others. Firenze thought there was something about the flicker of the flame that suggested uncertainty and lack of purpose.
“In times of war, you ask a great deal of people. Sometimes even more than you realise.” Dumbledore took off his spectacles and rubbed them against his sleeve. Firenze caught a glimpse of the blackened and twisted hand as the sleeve moved and Dumbledore followed his eyes. “Yes,” he said nodding. “Always the one thing you don’t foresee, that you don’t plan for.” He gestured with the spectacles towards the lone candle before replacing them slowly on his nose. “I’ve asked a good and brave man to undertake something he will hate. Something very necessary, which only he can do, but something which means searching the very depths of his soul. And I consoled myself with the thought that he wouldn’t be alone. That he would have the love and support there for him that he needed.”
A pause. “Then?” Firenze asked.
Dumbledore sighed. He reached out and picked up a smaller candle from the half circle, one that burnt fiercely and eagerly, but with an oddly colourless flame. He placed it carefully next to the other one, so that the two were almost touching. The flame of the taller candle wobbled and flared for a second, as though touched by a tiny breeze, before resuming as before.
Firenze thought both were a fraction brighter now, but Dumbledore was regarding them sadly.
“I never foresaw that he would think he was no longer worthy of that love,” he said.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-01 09:16 pm (UTC)That was lovely but very bittersweet. It is nice to see Dumbledore acknowledging what he put Remus through. If only he had chance to do it (you know I nearly said "in real life" there, LOL! Note to self: Harry Potter = not real!)
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Date: 2008-08-03 06:00 pm (UTC)I like to think that in the lonely hours of evening, Dumbledore must have been filled with as many doubts and worries as everyone else. And he surely must have had some idea of how such a mission would take a toll on Remus, so I thought I'd imagine that he called on Firenze one night as someone he could talk to with no pressure for a man-to-centaur chat... ;)
You mean fanfic isn't real life? NO! Who says?!
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Date: 2008-08-01 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 05:48 pm (UTC)As for Dumbledore, I think we were meant to know how much he loved Harry and Co. in DH, but also that he'd lived a life of secrets and manipulation and it had taken its toll. (Trouble was, I think the latter came across much clearer than the former.) Also that in order to win you have to make the tough decisions on your own. But I like to think that he must have had doubts, and been very lonely and afraid at times that he was doing the right thing, so perhaps one night he did call on Firenze for a quick bit of star-gazing and man-to-centaur chat?
Thanks very much. And I will try and find a flimsy pretext for him again. ;)
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Date: 2008-08-01 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-03 06:08 pm (UTC)Am struggling now to resist the temptation of centaur romance...
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Date: 2008-08-01 09:32 pm (UTC)Your portrayal of Dumbledore is great! He is not frightened either, only saddened that he hasn't done all he wanted to yet, and also that one he thought was taken care of has refused that care.. Ah, the woes of a man who likes to be on top of things.
Wonderful drabble again! :D
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Date: 2008-08-09 04:10 pm (UTC)Especially as I want to thank you for such a lovely comment. :) I do enjoy writing Dumbledore, and was quite sad that one of the things I lost a bit of in DH was how tough it was to be the man making the life and death decisions about people he loved in order to win a war. He really had no one to confide his worries and fears in, which is where the idea of Firenze came along as I've always had a hankering (hoofering?;)) to write him, and he was a character with no agenda who Dumbledore could unload a little on in the dead of night when all the doubts over what he was doing were there.
Firenze was a lot of fun. Might go back to him one day... ;)
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Date: 2008-08-02 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 01:43 pm (UTC)The interesting bit about Dumbledore is that he has no one to confide in or trust, which was where Firenze came in handy. I've always had a hankering to write him, though I'm saying nothing about James McAvoy images... ;) There's only one way with centaur romance and I think that's not to do it!
Thank you again for a lovely comment.
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Date: 2008-08-02 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 07:52 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it!:D
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Date: 2008-08-03 04:59 am (UTC)But, then, wow. You've really created a tangible atmosphere of mystery and portending doom; I love the way it's clear that Firenze and Dumbledore know more about what it all means than we do, heh. Also the way you've given some of those candles just enough distinguishing characteristics to identify them... (I'm guessing the missing candle is Sirius?) And of course Dumbledore's concern for Remus is sad but lovely.
I may beg to differ here from the majority opinion, actually -- the sense I got in DH, from the King's Cross chapter and the portrait at the end, is that Dumbledore may be rather more ruthless than we all thought, but he doesn't spare himself from that any more than he spares anyone else, and he does genuinely love Harry (thus, presumably, others too). So I think DH-compatible Dumbledore could certainly have been having these kinds of regrets about Remus. *sigh*
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Date: 2008-08-05 01:57 pm (UTC)Many thanks for such lovely comments. I had no qualms at all with seeing the machinations and toughness of Dumbledore in DH - it's not easy being the one making the life and death decisions for others, and it's lonely at the top, too - but I did lose a little of the previously obvious care/love he had for Harry etc. while doing so. Perhaps JKR didn't think she had to reiterate it, but it was nice to imagine something like this, which is hopefully in line with McGonagall's line in the hospital scene and the implied regret in the scene where Tonks won't meet his eyes.
What did come over in DH was that Dumbledore had no one to confide in, or trust, which was where Firenze, with no agenda at all, was ideal. And because, yes, I did think he'd be fun to write and so it proved.
I'm guessing the missing candle is Sirius?)
Yes. I was going for the poetic bit, saying the holder was empty but you were still aware of the smell of wax/his prescence lingering over everyone? Perhaps I should just lie down more... ;)
Thank you again!
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Date: 2008-08-04 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 01:35 pm (UTC)Thanks again for a lovely comment.:D
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Date: 2008-08-09 02:07 pm (UTC)I'm not really managing to articulate how this makes me feel and how much I love it. Just know that I think it's brilliant.
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Date: 2008-08-12 01:29 pm (UTC)Thanks for such a lovely comment. This one's been my favourite to write so far so it's great when someone likes it too.:D