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gilpin25Author's Note: For ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mrstater, who wanted Remus/Tonks and underwear. I also had the option of including Teddy - he's around somewhere. ;) Only 797 words this time, and rated PG-13. Never tried anything like this before...
Motivational Speeches
“Are you awake?”
“Mmn. Yes. Goodbye.”
“Are you awake, Remus?”
“Mmn? Sleepygoodcuddlebunny…”
“ARE YOU AWAKE, REMUS?!”
“Wassat? What the—? Ow! D-D-Dora? What’s going on?”
“Yes. D-D-Dora. Your wife. You remember her. And me.”
“Oh God, what’s wrong? What time is it? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Relatively speaking. Stop blinking at me like that, you look like an owl with hair all over its face.”
“I can’t see. Probably as a result of the severe concussion from hitting my head on the headboard. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“I expect it’s something o’clock and put your legs back in the blankets, you don’t need to get up. I’m fine.”
“Is that relatively fine, or just fine?”
“Oh, so you’ve noticed then?”
“Well, I’ve noticed you’re standing in front of the mirror with very little on, and our bed is very empty without you.”
“You mean it’s a lot lighter.”
“No, I mean it’s a lot colder. Dora… please. Tell me. Don’t you feel well?”
“Why, don’t I look it? I’m hardly going to look great, am I, being this big and all?”
“Is that what this is about? Because—”
“Underwear.”
“I’m sorry— what’s under where?”
“This is underwear! This bloody bra! It’s my favourite, and it’s the lilac one, and I can’t get it on any more! Look – I can’t even hook the thing together because they keep growing!”
“I solemnly swear not to complain too much.”
“Stop grinning, Remus. This isn’t funny.”
“Trust me, it’s a smile of pleasure at the view.”
“Oh yes, the view! Full of incredibly mountainous regions, isn’t it? Have you seen what happens when I turn sideways? I’m like a bloody Hippogriff!”
“Dora. It is... 5.36am. I didn’t get in from Potterwatch till gone two. You may have to spell this out in incredibly small words for me, with accompanying gestures of clarification. Much as I relish the opportunity to stare at my half naked wife – don’t cross your arms like that, I’m trying to concentrate - I’d like to know what’s brought all this on? You said your day had been fine, that you’d had Molly over for tea and-- Aha.”
“There’s nothing to aha over.”
“You saw Molly and Fleur. Aha.”
“Stop it with the bloody aha-ing. And the special aha tone.”
“I can’t believe you’d be so insecure.”
“Oh no, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing.”
“In addition to nothing?”
“Nothing. Apart from, ‘Tonks, you ‘ave ze beegness incrediblè'.”
“You know that Fleur occasionally says things that aren’t necessarily prime examples of the delicate art of tact.”
“She’s a bitchy cow, is the phrase you’re skirting round. What she really meant was look at me in all my skinny, beautiful blonde glory, you great fat lump.”
“You are beautiful, Dora.”
“But I was doing so well, Remus! I hardly showed at all for ages, and now, suddenly, I’ve blown up like a sodding balloon! And I’ve felt so well, and I’ve barely been sick, and now I’m going to get heartburn and constipation and backache and ankle swelling and stretch marks—”
“Not all tonight, surely?”
“—and varicose veins. Thank Merlin, at least I haven’t had any mood swings.”
“Perhaps-Merlin-could-try-a-bit-harder-with-that-one.”
“What did you say, Lupin?”
“I said, no, my love, you haven’t even had one. Why don’t you come back to bed and we can talk this over?”
“Oh, Remus… Look at me.”
“I am looking at you, Dora. It’s my greatest pleasure in life.”
“Yes, but—”
“It’s what I do. I look at you, and I marvel at you, and at the fact that you’re my wife. Even more so, now you’re carrying our child. There will never be a day I don’t want to look at you.”
“But Molly said—”
“What did Molly say?”
“That some men don’t find their wives attractive when they’re pregnant and— Remus, stop laughing!”
“Dora, if you don’t come back to bed, right this second, I will come and get you. And if I put my back out in doing so, I will be unable to demonstrate that I am not some men, as I would have thought you may have noticed by now. But if you do end up like the world’s fattest Hippogriff, then, do you know what? You’ll still be the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when you sniff in that unladylike fashion.”
“I am not sniffing. And I really hate it when you talk like some motivational speaker for the not very bright.”
“I like to practice for Umbridge. Now come here.”
“I love it when you’re masterful— Ooh.”
“Mmn.”
“You’re really not some men, are you?”
“No, I just don’t care. I’ll have to tell you a million times.”
“Mmn— Remus.”
“…Dora?”
“You know you said cuddlebunny again, don’t you?”
mrstater, who wanted Remus/Tonks and underwear. I also had the option of including Teddy - he's around somewhere. ;) Only 797 words this time, and rated PG-13. Never tried anything like this before...“Are you awake?”
“Mmn. Yes. Goodbye.”
“Are you awake, Remus?”
“Mmn? Sleepygoodcuddlebunny…”
“ARE YOU AWAKE, REMUS?!”
“Wassat? What the—? Ow! D-D-Dora? What’s going on?”
“Yes. D-D-Dora. Your wife. You remember her. And me.”
“Oh God, what’s wrong? What time is it? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. Relatively speaking. Stop blinking at me like that, you look like an owl with hair all over its face.”
“I can’t see. Probably as a result of the severe concussion from hitting my head on the headboard. Are you sure you’re alright? Do you have any idea what time it is?”
“I expect it’s something o’clock and put your legs back in the blankets, you don’t need to get up. I’m fine.”
“Is that relatively fine, or just fine?”
“Oh, so you’ve noticed then?”
“Well, I’ve noticed you’re standing in front of the mirror with very little on, and our bed is very empty without you.”
“You mean it’s a lot lighter.”
“No, I mean it’s a lot colder. Dora… please. Tell me. Don’t you feel well?”
“Why, don’t I look it? I’m hardly going to look great, am I, being this big and all?”
“Is that what this is about? Because—”
“Underwear.”
“I’m sorry— what’s under where?”
“This is underwear! This bloody bra! It’s my favourite, and it’s the lilac one, and I can’t get it on any more! Look – I can’t even hook the thing together because they keep growing!”
“I solemnly swear not to complain too much.”
“Stop grinning, Remus. This isn’t funny.”
“Trust me, it’s a smile of pleasure at the view.”
“Oh yes, the view! Full of incredibly mountainous regions, isn’t it? Have you seen what happens when I turn sideways? I’m like a bloody Hippogriff!”
“Dora. It is... 5.36am. I didn’t get in from Potterwatch till gone two. You may have to spell this out in incredibly small words for me, with accompanying gestures of clarification. Much as I relish the opportunity to stare at my half naked wife – don’t cross your arms like that, I’m trying to concentrate - I’d like to know what’s brought all this on? You said your day had been fine, that you’d had Molly over for tea and-- Aha.”
“There’s nothing to aha over.”
“You saw Molly and Fleur. Aha.”
“Stop it with the bloody aha-ing. And the special aha tone.”
“I can’t believe you’d be so insecure.”
“Oh no, you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing.”
“In addition to nothing?”
“Nothing. Apart from, ‘Tonks, you ‘ave ze beegness incrediblè'.”
“You know that Fleur occasionally says things that aren’t necessarily prime examples of the delicate art of tact.”
“She’s a bitchy cow, is the phrase you’re skirting round. What she really meant was look at me in all my skinny, beautiful blonde glory, you great fat lump.”
“You are beautiful, Dora.”
“But I was doing so well, Remus! I hardly showed at all for ages, and now, suddenly, I’ve blown up like a sodding balloon! And I’ve felt so well, and I’ve barely been sick, and now I’m going to get heartburn and constipation and backache and ankle swelling and stretch marks—”
“Not all tonight, surely?”
“—and varicose veins. Thank Merlin, at least I haven’t had any mood swings.”
“Perhaps-Merlin-could-try-a-bit-harder-with-that-one.”
“What did you say, Lupin?”
“I said, no, my love, you haven’t even had one. Why don’t you come back to bed and we can talk this over?”
“Oh, Remus… Look at me.”
“I am looking at you, Dora. It’s my greatest pleasure in life.”
“Yes, but—”
“It’s what I do. I look at you, and I marvel at you, and at the fact that you’re my wife. Even more so, now you’re carrying our child. There will never be a day I don’t want to look at you.”
“But Molly said—”
“What did Molly say?”
“That some men don’t find their wives attractive when they’re pregnant and— Remus, stop laughing!”
“Dora, if you don’t come back to bed, right this second, I will come and get you. And if I put my back out in doing so, I will be unable to demonstrate that I am not some men, as I would have thought you may have noticed by now. But if you do end up like the world’s fattest Hippogriff, then, do you know what? You’ll still be the most beautiful woman in the world. Even when you sniff in that unladylike fashion.”
“I am not sniffing. And I really hate it when you talk like some motivational speaker for the not very bright.”
“I like to practice for Umbridge. Now come here.”
“I love it when you’re masterful— Ooh.”
“Mmn.”
“You’re really not some men, are you?”
“No, I just don’t care. I’ll have to tell you a million times.”
“Mmn— Remus.”
“…Dora?”
“You know you said cuddlebunny again, don’t you?”
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 11:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 10:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-04 11:43 pm (UTC)It was very well written and such a great idea!
Great job!
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Date: 2008-08-05 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 12:14 am (UTC)Cuddlebunny.
Your Remus reminds me of a guy I know. One with nice eyes. I swear, I actually said 'awww', and now I'm going through cuddling withdrawals...
Also "I solemnly swear not to complain too much" had me giggling like a schoolgirl.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 11:07 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it; it's the first ever Deathly Hallows thing I've written and, amazingly, it was fun. Note to self: must do more deranged Lupin family moments!
Thank you. Especially for comparing Remus to the cuddlesome one you know. ;)
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Date: 2008-08-05 12:48 am (UTC)Is "cuddlebunny" Remus Lupin's equivalent of Mollywobbles?
You know, great dialogue-only fics like this make me wonder why I bother with narration at all, because the dialogue really sets the whole thing so perfectly all on its own. I could picture ever indignant expression, every crossed arm, every ogle...
And I mean it that I'm LOLing. "I solemnly swear not to complain too much," “Not all tonight, surely?”, “Perhaps-Merlin-could-try-a-bit-harder-with-that-one.” and “I like to practice for Umbridge. Now come here.” All killed me. Dead.
Tonks isn't the only one who loves Remus when he's masterful. *Giggle* Masterful.
The joking about motivational speeches to Umbridge and mocking their own hospital wing argument is perfect, too. Yes, this is how they spent most of DH, I'm sure of it.
Thank you so much. This made my night. :D
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Date: 2008-08-05 11:21 am (UTC)Let's say I have plans for it to come back and haunt him in another fic... I like to think it's his sub-conscious equivalent to Mollywobbles, lol.
I've never done a dialogue-only fic before, nor have I done that Deathly Hallows book, but a not-too sane and hormonal Lupin family moment was a lot of fun to write. It's certainly a lot quicker to write like this, without all those pesky, "he said", "she sighed" and "they both looked wistfully through the window, while the author wondered what they could say next." ;) I'm so pleased you liked the masterful line, in particular, as Remus did too!
Am very glad you enjoyed it, which makes my day/night too.:D
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Date: 2008-08-05 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 10:57 am (UTC)Love your icon!
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Date: 2008-08-05 03:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 11:02 am (UTC)Thank you!
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Date: 2008-08-05 04:31 am (UTC)This is brilliant! Nice job crafting this one. Couldn't help but grin as I read it. I love Remus' "aha" moment of realization. What you may find amusing is that I read him straight through with the wonky hair in his face from beginning to end. lol.
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Date: 2008-08-05 11:12 am (UTC)Glad it made you grin and thanks for the nice comment!:D
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Date: 2008-08-05 05:47 am (UTC)Great job. :)
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Date: 2008-08-05 11:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-05 02:13 pm (UTC)I think my favorite part was the Aha bit. XD I'm still giggling over that.
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Date: 2008-08-05 07:54 pm (UTC)On the radio today, they played Abba and Knowing Me, Knowing You. When they sang 'Aha!' I did nearly stall the engine trying not to think of Remus doing it like that. Really shouldn't laugh at your own awful jokes...
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Date: 2008-08-05 02:44 pm (UTC)LOL!
Good job! Dialogue-only pieces tend to become confusing after awhile. You know, trying to keep track of whom is speaking (for me, at least). But I had no trouble here and my over-active imagination was able to flesh out the lovely visuals you created. Like, sleep sexy Remus. :)
Looking forward to cuddle bunny popping up in later offerings from you.
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Date: 2008-08-05 08:04 pm (UTC)Never thought my first ever Deathly Hallows fic would be a mad, hormonal, Lupin family moment, but never mind.
Looking forward to cuddle bunny popping up in later offerings from you.
It's going to come back to haunt him... Trust me. ;)
Thank you!:D
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Date: 2008-08-05 06:48 pm (UTC)I love their banter about her pregnancy, and the list of things you can get during pregnacy, resembles my reasons against it for the time being ;)
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Date: 2008-08-05 08:10 pm (UTC)It is a bit off-putting when you see the list of things, isn't it? And I thought of several others I didn't put down for fear of this ending up the first ever 11,000 word drabble, lol. On the other hand, you could be like my friend, who felt marvellous throughout the nine months, looked it too, and then promptly had another baby straight afterwards and felt awful the whole time. Luck of the draw?! Or perhaps you need to be a Metamorphmagus... ;)
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Date: 2008-08-13 02:49 pm (UTC)I love that underneath all the humour, this was a really sweet and telling relationship moment.
Love it! :)
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Date: 2008-08-13 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-12 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-15 07:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-11-27 06:42 am (UTC)I love your characterisation of Remus. Pfft, what a sweetie, what a charmer. That's what I love about him. ;D
xoxo Phia
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Date: 2009-12-07 03:34 pm (UTC)Am so pleased you like this as I'd never attempted a dialogue fic before, and I did wonder if it would quite read and come across as I hoped it would. And I'm thrilled you think this Remus here has charm: that's why I love him too.
Thank you.:D